Knowing the Known

This is not a new experience for me that I feel, ‘I know my surroundings’ but every time I take a slow, vigilant walk even on the same, everyday path, I find something different. Sometimes I know the places from outside, but have never entered in and the first time I enter in those premises I am new in my own surroundings.

I knew the location of ITI on the ITI road, had seen the students while crossing the road but had never interacted with them. I didn’t know anyone personally who goes to ITI. Thinking about ways to contribute for water conservation I had secretly thought to myself that I want to become a plumber and close/ repair all the taps which are flowing relentlessly. I had even stood wondering against the board which exhibited the long list of interesting courses, ‘how the traditional learning systems of these arts, crafts and life skills are getting replaced by ITI’. All this about an institution which I had never entered. I was starkly aware that I don’t know the world within these four walls which I am peeping into from outside.

The opportunity of PB (Participatory Budgeting) made me think of ITI as a probable educational institute to tie up with, to involve the students in PB work for the mutual benefits of the students as well as the society. The former get the quality education through experiential learning while the society, in the long run, gets wise and active citizens. I am realizing the power of Internship system!

I wasn’t conversant with the world I was expecting there and hence had low confidence to approach the Principal without any hotline. I found the telephone number on the net and called the college to book an appointment with him. The peon actually asked me, ‘should I forward the call to him, he is available now?’ Surprise!! Reminds me of a phrase in vernacular ‘zaritale shukracharya’! But this experience was exactly opposite. I spoke to the principal in detail about PB and asked for his time to explore how we could involve students. I managed to convince my senior colleague who is known for his wide array of understanding people from varied background along with his charming style of speaking. He promised to come along. ‘His presence is half victory’ this was my feeling before the meeting.

We enter the cabin. I keep quiet as promised to myself and understood between us. The principal is busy doing some work. Some exams are going on while there is a long queue standing outside the administration department for new admission. He seemed to have decided that he doesn’t want to entertain us nor does he want to start anything new in the college. He was least interested in what my senior colleague was trying to tell him. Except for few leads he had practically closed our file.

We get up to go out; me thinking about the thoughts that I had before entering. I just need to drop the fear of disappointment. Some will like what you propose some may not. The onus is not on you, if you have made the best effort with the best intension. Thanks to my senior colleague for demonstrating how to take disappointments and to the principal who thought of disappointing us.    

A walk with the boss

We hugged each other a little longer than ever, on the main road, oblivious to the trailing traffic at those late hours. It was a hug of assurance, reconfirmation, and security. I turned back and walked like a queen, the 2 minute walk to my home.

It was one of the most important meetings of my life, a heart to (an experienced) heart talk with my boss. She is not actually a ‘boss’ ‘boss’ but in the organizational hierarchy she is one. I am obliged to have one like that and same is the feeling of almost all my colleagues towards her. The most democratic, flexible, genuinely good at heart person who is sensitive enough about everyone around her; she is the life of most of our work lives.

As already mentioned a couple of times before, this participatory budgeting work is pretty overwhelming and a lot of turmoil generating. There are various kinds of turmoil that one goes through: one about the unusual kinds of work that one has to do as being community facilitator and other, the exposure one gets after doing the planned work which leads to newer realizations about system and life in general.

I am going through both of them (and of course there are many more). But today’s episode started with the later one. The SWM story of the city is making me think and rethink about everything. While writing the article, ‘how is this justice?’, I broke down looking at the cruelty a city dweller does to the surrounding villagers without even intending to do it. Neither is one aware about doing it nor is one sensitive towards the victims. It wasn't the case that I didn't know it before but seeing all the connected dots together as a picture, made its impact on me. I couldn't come out of it easily almost for the entire day neither did I want to distract myself from the feeling. I was more than sure that it makes more sense to feel it and go through the turmoil to come out with more vigor to work. I could also see that I needed some assistance from someone who has gone through such feelings and phases of life.

SM would have been of utmost help. But I could see that she was busy. Also, I feel selfish when I ask of her time for personal reasons. So I suggested a couple of times but didn't assert it. But finally, when we were chatting late evening she suggested that we could even meet. What can be a better thing than that when you have waited for a person for a long! Staying close by at a walking distance matters at such times. Before the hand could cross a quarter of a circle in the clock, we had already set out on our walk together.

So many things did we speak… the questions that I had about sustainable cities, the inertia that I am facing in the CF work, the stereotypes that I have in my mind about various people that I should be meeting, the fight between the rational me and the stereotyping (irrational) me, her experiences as novice (that I am today), the ideas of newer work, newer ideas to take the current work ahead, the people that we connect with and the once which we don’t but should be connecting with, the importance of emotional connection with the work and the colleagues…     

I could see myself getting better. She was in no hurry even at that hour. She waited patiently for me to say that ‘we could go now’. So much space and time! She proved me wrong for a sentence that I wrote to partner in the afternoon, ‘Everyone seems to be busy.’ I know she is doing so many things at a time and still nowhere shows that she is busy and when mentioned, she actually modestly says that she is not so busy.  

On the way back, I was wondering aloud that how do people who don’t connect with their work and the colleagues manage to remain themselves? She resonated with the feeling and shared X’s example of how X did a non-connecting job and finally left it to do so many socially inclined activities. SM verbalized her fear about how does X remain saner after working so much. I guess, we go through all these phases of non-sensitivity, sensitivity, guilt, non-action, finally action without guilt based on rational sensitivity.

Thanks SM for walking me through the mud of my thoughts to the clean blue waters of action! May everyone get a boss like you!